What is wrong with the word 'pregnant'? It rolls off your tongue with a delicious twang, it is succinct, it is pithy and most of all you know what it means! Why can't a woman say it like it is? Is it a cuss word? Will God strike her down?? Why must she stoop to euphemisms and not make the matter-of-fact declaration.
But if we must stick with euphemisms then I infinitely prefer a 'bun in the oven'..or two as the case may be. Unfortunately all that carrying and expecting is still carrying on. And to that I add 'She is in the family way' which always makes me think they missed an apostrophe and an s (after family). "I am gonna get her with a shotgun and get her out of the way," said Grandpa grimly. "Darling, wouldn't a nice bit of arsenic do the trick - so much more quieter," interjected grandma gently.
Now, one can sidestep this tricky word as best as one can until one actually ends up being…well…pregnant. The first six months is smooth sailing but once you start resembling a cross between the Good Year blimp and the Michelin Man you can no longer avoid the inevitable.
Scene I
Social gathering with a bunch of coursemates: 96% of who are always itching to know when their non-baby buddies will be saddled with a baby as badly behaved as theirs’.
X “Oooh Finally!! Some good news!!!
Me: “How on earth did you know I got an appraisal?
X(cleverly rephrasing): I mean are you ‘expecting?’
Me: “Expecting….. another appraisal, I wish!”
X you carrying?
Me (waving hands in her face): Nope, not got a thing
X OH GOD!!
Benevolent me: All right, I will put you out of your misery, I am pregnant.
A sudden hush descends upon the room, the men look steadily at the cracks in the wall, the women squirm in acute embarrassment
Show off Mumma: “Do you know what A is reading?”
Proud Mumma: “Homer’s Illiad! Isn’t my kitchy kootchy gooey goo smart?”
Me: “Um he is 9 months old”
Proud Mumma (not missing a beat): “Oh he signs it – you know baby sign language.”
Me :”Right..and he can also translate Herbrew to Greek.”
